To Whom It May Concern,
(It does occur to me that the oblivious will not necessarily realize this concerns them.)
Since there are quite a lot of you to address, I am not quite certain where to begin…
I suppose I will begin with you, Bad Tippers.
I am aware that there are many of you who know perfectly well what cheap fucking assholes you are. I do not speak to you at this time. This is for the poor fools who still think a fiver is a decent tip on a $70 tab. I assure you, it is not.
Let me put it to you plain.
You paid ten dollars for that fucking ultra-mega-giganto margarita you had. So fuck you and your almost-toothless meth-head ho of a wife. I hope your jacked-up, specialty-painted piece of shit Chevy runs over a thousand skunks on your way back to your trailer park.
Get your priorities in order.
To those employed in assorted employment positions, (wherever that may be) managers, wanna-be managers, wanna-be-promoted-to-other-job-descriptions peeps, etc., let me clear some things up-
You will never be promoted when you place your dirty-ass foot on a silverware-wrapping station.
You will never be asked to train as a manager when you spend the majority of your time sitting on your fat ass talking about whatever when there are duties that need to be done.
Your shift will never run smoothly, and you will die a sad, frustrated, and depressed being, if, when your employees ask for your help, you tell them to find someone else or immediately turn around and hide in your office with your tail between your legs.
You will never love your job if you only care about numbers, and absolutely don’t give one shit about coworkers, employees, etc.
To those of a non-female gender, I do not blame you for your obliviousness. If there is one thing I’ve learned in my many years, it is that you can’t help it. You sometimes really just don’t get it. I’m not hating. Just stating a fact. And the smart ones among you will agree with me because you have come to see that women are complex creatures, and not to be understood by people with penises.
I hope my criticism has been constructive, though I did not necessarily mean it to be.